Typically, the mind brings up a memory when something in the present triggers it. It might be a similar experience, something that hurt us before, or something we regret—a mistake we couldn’t fix. Whatever the memory is, the mind is trying to make sure we don’t repeat the pain. It’s trying to protect us, and that’s why it brings the memory forward. We can use that to our advantage instead of letting it hold us back or cause pain.
If something in the present is triggering a memory, there’s an opportunity for healing. We can start by asking what triggered the memory, and what the mind might be trying to avoid or protect us from. That awareness is where the healing happens. When we can connect those dots, we give ourselves the ability to release the pain—so we don’t have to react the same way every time something similar happens.
Triggers are our responsibility. Our job is to heal them, not get mad at the outside world for pushing them. Let’s be honest: most of the time this realization comes after we’ve already reacted. That’s okay. It’s okay to be human. Just own it when your behavior is less than ideal. It’s okay to apologize after the fact. It’s okay to admit you’re still working on it. It’s okay to make mistakes.
Coming back later, even if it feels like we messed up, can actually be a turning point.
It gives us space between the experience and the next conversation. We have time to think, let the emotion go, and work on understanding ourselves in the experience.
We can spend some time figuring out what a better response might look like—and then try to be self-aware enough to act from that place. This is good practice.
We can pinpoint the trigger so that if it’s pushed again during the second conversation, we don’t have to react a second time.
This is how we learn from experience.
Our mind brings up memories triggered by the present moment.
We react. We mess up.
Then we sit down with ourselves and try to understand.
By doing that, we form a new response, correct our behavior, and create positive change in our lives.
Experience by experience, choice by choice, we free ourselves from old pain.
We stop being triggered by our experience and begin to live more self-aware.
Memories hurt because the image or movie that plays in our mind triggers an emotional reaction. Our goal is not to become numb to our memories. Any memory or picture can make us sad or cry at any time. We’re not trying to undo that response necessarily. It’s completely okay to cry at a sappy movie.
What we want is to make sure it doesn’t control our actions.
Feeling is not the same as reacting.
That’s the difference we’re learning to accept.
Memories don’t have to trigger us. But to make sure they don’t, we have to be stay of ourselves. Memories are part of our awareness. We all have memories-every single one of us. All of us have bad memories. All of us have things hiding in our past that we aren’t proud of or don’t like. That’s just part of being in a human form.
We can do a better job of honoring those things in the present when they don’t become weapons or armor for us to use against ourselves and others. Sometimes those weapons and armor are very well hidden and hard to find. There will be times when you won’t recognize the trigger until you’ve been triggered half a dozen times by the same thing. That’s human too. It’s all okay.
Learning to use our experience and our memories to heal takes practice. Self-awareness comes with time. It’s not something we learn overnight. But if you keep practicing, you keep learning, you keep apologizing, and you keep trying you can do this too.
Your memories don’t have to haunt you. Your feelings don’t have to overwhelm you. You don’t have to be triggered all the time. Healing is possible.
Love to all.
Della